Birthday Sex should be renamed

The song 'Birthday Sex' is sure great. Not only does it contain a subtle critique of standard sex ("we're changing positions," singer Jeremih cleverly suggests) but it contains an elegant product placement for Mo-easy, which I assume is a new alcoholic drink with the date rape drug already in it.

Wait, internet research shows that this is just a street-savvy way of referring to Moet, which is obviously a shout out to LVMH (Louis Vuitton, Moet and Hennessy - the urban music trifecta), which has officially gotten hip hop more ass at this point than both drug money and the false offer of instant celebrity. Way to go on the milestone LVMH!

I mean, let's face it, you only have one birthday a year, so the song is really about a once a year booty call (or multiple if you have a hard time holding onto a sex partner). So once that birthday rolls around, then its like "just 364 days to go before this song gets me some again! Wait, is it a leap year?"

I mean couldn't you call it something like "Payday Sex," "Bill Pay Sex" or "Semi-Annual Checkup Sex"? At least then you would get more chances to have celebration sex. You know "Celebration Sex" wouldn't be a bad name except the syllables in that title would make it really hard for T-Paine to synthesize Jeremih singing it. Not sure he can squeeze in an extra two syllables and still sound like a robot. "Celebration Sex" is nice because then you could do a little retro sample of "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang. And, you could justify sex at any time, since "there's a party going on right here/A celebration to last throughout the year."

Now I know what the people behind this song are saying: We are making boatloads of money on this song, so shut up, you effete over-educated schlamil! But to them I say: I don't want to have to get a new sex partner every time I want that song to work, and I don't want to be distracted from sex by the thought of my facebook birthday reminder email. But that's just me, I'm sure.